Humor 101: You Know You’re Out Of College When…

Ah, the transition from college life to the “real world.” It’s a time of growth, change, and often, a healthy dose of reality. Here’s a humorous look at some telltale signs you’ve officially left the hallowed halls of academia behind:

• Your salary is less than your tuition.
• Your potted plants actually stay alive, a testament to your newfound responsibility.
• Shacking up in a twin-sized bed seems utterly absurd – hello, king size!
• You keep more food than beer in the fridge. The priorities have shifted.
• You have to pay your own credit card bill. No more parental bailouts.
• Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal. You’ve expanded your culinary horizons (or at least tried to).
• You haven’t seen a soap opera in over a year. Who has the time?
• 8:00 a.m. is not early. It’s practically mid-morning.
• You have to file for your own taxes. Welcome to adulthood!
• You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work. Suddenly, nostalgia hits hard.
• You’re not carded anymore. A bittersweet moment.
• You carry an umbrella. Practicality reigns supreme.
• You learn that “Bachelor” is a nicer term for a jackass. Wisdom comes with age.
• “Extended childhood” only really pertains to your salary, which is a little less than your allowance used to be. The struggle is real.
• “Twenty-something” means over-qualified, under-paid, and not necessarily married. The modern condition.
• Your friends marry instead of hook-up and divorce instead of break-up. Relationships get serious.
• You start watching the weather channel. Planning your commute is crucial.
• Jeans and baseball caps aren’t staples in your wardrobe. You own gasp dress pants.
• You can no longer take shots, and smoking gives you a sinus attack. Your body is staging a revolt.
• You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7. The harsh reality of the working world.
• You stop confusing a 401K plan with a 10K run. Financial literacy is key.
• You go to parties that the police don’t raid. A sign of maturity (or just boring parties).
• Adults feel comfortable telling jokes about sex in front of you. You’re one of them now.
• You don’t know what time Wendy’s closes anymore. Late-night cravings are less frequent.
• Your car insurance goes down. A small victory.
• You refer to college students as kids. Time flies.
• You drink wine, scotch, and martinis instead of beer, bourbon, and rum. Your palate has (allegedly) matured.
• Your parents start making casual remarks about grandchildren. The pressure mounts.
• You feed your dog Science Diet instead of Taco Bell. Even your pet is eating healthier than you used to.